I’ve been MIA recently because I’ve been sick. I’ve been sick because I’ve been tired. I’ve been tired because I’ve taken on too many different projects recently.
I’ll be honest – I liked being sick. I liked taking time off my different projects and really just focusing on myself. For the past few days, my brain literally could not get beyond doing anything but sleep and watching Ellen DeGeneres on Youtube. Literally.
This morning, I felt much better so I decided to go onto my favorite anti-racist, ‘feministy’ website and catch up on some readings. As I read the entries, I felt sick. What is up with the millions of 101 conversations that people insist on having? Why are we still not over the fact that racism still exists and that white supremacy still exists? Why are still not over the fact that sexism still exists and that women in the workforce do not get paid as much as men – no matter where we are in the world? Why do we still refuse to accept that there is ONGOING class warfare and that it didn’t end with Marx’s death? Why are we still hard-up on discussing issues of heterosexism and homophobia when we should be looking at how we and our national policies oppress these communities?
Why can’t we seem to move beyond 101 conversations on race, gender, class etc?
And can someone just please tell me why are there (still) so many idiots in this world?
Some people claim we are in the ‘information age’ and that we’re in the ‘best age to live in woo!’ because access to education is increasing etc etc. I truly call BULLSHIT on this. If we are so freakin darn smart like we think we are, how come there’s still so many idiots in the world who refuse to accept that women are still oppressed and that black and brown people are still being treated like slaves?
Don’t get me wrong, I REALLY, REALLY admire the activists, the people, the educators and the learners who are willing to continue to educate people on 101 conversations. God knows how important that is. I can only imagine how much energy it takes to keep 101 conversations going. I know because in some ways, I realize that this is what my blog is for. I write because I like to write but lately, I’ve really struggled with what I want to write, why and for whom. I feel an inordinate amount of pressure to write ‘intelligent’ blog posts when really…WHY THE HECK do I feel this pressure?
I am tired.
I am tired of feeling the pressure to educate. I am tired of feeling the pressure to be the good little activist all the time. I am tired of being the person who critiques everybody else and I’m tired of holding my tongue for fear of being critiqued.
Maybe being sick and taking time off this week was exactly what I needed.
Just for the record, I do have lots of drafts in the ‘Drafts’ section of my blog. They’re just waiting for me to ‘get on with the program’ and write something coherent on the topic. When I feel like it, the posts will go up. ‘When I feel like it’ means when something horrific enough happens and I am spurred to write something in a fit of passion.